In Loving Memory of Nate

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense to me. And the question why is brought to the forefront of my mind. On the weekend I heard that a friend from Bible School, Nate Toews, was killed in an accident. Nate and I shared a instant connection when we first met at Bethany. We were both P.K's, we were both Nate's, and our birthday's were even close together. But on my part I just wanted to be associated with Nate, there was an infectious quality about Nate. He was one of those people who you meet and will never forget, who leaves a permanent mark on your life and soul, who was the presence of Jesus to many many people. I loved Nate, I loved to be around him, life was never boring in the dorm with him around. I always felt inspired and loved after a time with him... oh and my sides usually hurt to from laughing, and soaking in the joy that radiated from him. After Bethany we sort of lost touch, but a two summers ago when we were at Redberry Bible camp he and his brothers came through and did the chapels at camp. And it was so good to pick up again and hear about the things he was up to and such. Once again I was struck by his passion and love for God, and his incredible Joy! But a tragic accident has robbed us far to soon from someone who brought so much joy, robbed us of a husband, friend, and disciple of Jesus.

My prayers are with Rosanna as she grieves the loss of her husband, and with the rest of his family. And my heart grieves with them. There are no words to explain how my heart reaches out. I want to say something... but I can't... I don't know where to begin.

And we are all left with a why? I cannot except simple answers, pat answers. "God had a plan", "It was time for him to go", these answers do not answer the pain that is left, and only cause me to doubt the goodness of God. How can a good God leave a young widow to mourn? How could a good God rob us of such a holy inspiring man? How could... And yet... I do believe that God is good, and I believe that his love and comfort know no boundaries, so while I cannot believe that God caused this tragedy, or even wanted it to happen, I do believe that God is good, and will work destruction into beauty, will work tragedy into celebration, and will work death to life. I don't understand the why and don't believe I ever will, but I put my trust in the good and loving hands of Jesus and trust that he will turn our mourning into dancing.

ht: thanks Trev for the great picture from our freshman year missions trip